


Not to be defined by a name

by Amrais



Series: A Family Name [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Gen, Harry Potter Next Generation, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Not Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Recovery, Relapsing, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-07-26 06:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7564054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrais/pseuds/Amrais
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Albus and Scorpius are best friends at Hogwarts, despite their fathers antagonism. Things are not easy for Scorpius, as he is defined by the Malfoy name and his fathers past. Albus is worried about his friends habit of self-harm and when it goes out of hand, he decides to tell Harry. Now with the secret out, everyone tries to help Scorpius to get better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so there might be a lot of mistakes. I believe there are some strange Time changes. If it is unreadable let me know. Also first fan-fiction ever.
> 
> Trigger Warning for Self-harm. Please don't read if you don't want to be triggered.  
> Don't hesitate to write me if you want to talk.
> 
> Please leave comments and/or kudos so I know if you liked it or not and what I can do better...

There is a shy knock on the door and Harry looks up from his paperwork. “come in” he calls out.

The door opens carefully and Albus head appears.

“Can I talk to you about something?”

Harry closes the files in front of him and nods. “Of course you can.”

As he slips in and closes the door behind him, Harry begins to wonder why his son is behaving so odd. Albus takes a seat in the chair in front of the desk. He remains silent.

“So what is it?” Harry asks encouraging.

“It’s…umm… it’s about Scorpius.” He answers nervously.

“oh yeah? What about him?” Harry thinks that his son is going to tell him, that he is in love with nemesis son and he can’t help but smile at the irony. Reading the smile right, Albus blushes.

“Dad, I’m not gay and Scorpius isn’t either. Besides that, there is a girl at Hogwarts that I like.”

Harry is grinning. “Ok, ok, but you know it’s ok if you where. And even if it was with a Malfoy.” He winks at his son. At the beginning he was very sceptical of the friendship between Draco Malfoys son and his own. But Scorpius was a very sweet little boy and had now grown into a polite, quiet lad. Harry is rather fond of him.

“I know it is Dad, it’s just not the case.”

“Ok, I let it drop. So what is it you wanted to talk about?”

Albus is fidgeting at the edge of his chair, obviously very nervous.

“So what is going on?” Harry asks again.

“Promise me you wont freak out.”

Harry perks up his left eyebrow. “This sounds rather serious.”

“It is. And I’m not ment to tell you, but I have to…”

“So then…tell me!” “….Scorpius he is..” he inhales sharply, “he is not well.”

Harry watches Albus carefully, there is guilt written all over his face. “What do you mean exactly?” Harry pushes softly. He senses that this was something serious. Albus takes another deep breath and then blurs out in a rush:

“he is hurting himself. He is doing it again and it just seems that he cannot stop.”

It was like a bucket full of ice had turned in Harry’s stomach. He looks into the wide eyes of his son. Albus is just at the verge of crying.

“Easy, easy Albus. Just explain it to me, please.” He tried to keep his voice calm and steady.

“What do you mean with hurting himself?”

“He cuts himself with sharp objects, that’s what I mean.” Albus nearly screams at his father.

“Ok Albus, calm down, you have to tell me everything, alright?” Albus sights and then he nods.

“So how long has this been going on?”

“Don’t know really, I think about a year now.”

Harry is shocked. “A year?” Albus looks guilty.

“I think it might be, I’m not exactly sure. I just found out six months ago.”

“So how did you find out? Did he tell you?”

“No he didn’t, I walked in on him.”

“You walked in on him cutting himself?” Harry asks his voice about to crack.

“Yes, kind of. It was a free period and we were about to have Quidditch-Training but he was nowhere to be seen, so I went looking for him. When I came in the dorm room, the curtains around his bed where all closed, that seemed strange and when I called out his name he didn’t answer. So I walked over and drew the curtains back and there he was, starring at me, really panicked. He tried to hide his arms under the covers, but I knew something was up. I asked him what was wrong, and he said nothing and to leave him alone. He sounded so desperate. I knew he was hiding something, he was hiding something for months and whenever I asked he would say that it was nothing and that I was being ridiculous. So drew away the blanket, with whom he had tried to cover his arms. There was blood and cuts, they where fresh, and there where scars all over his arms. I was so shocked I couldn’t say anything. Suddenly he was really furious. He pushed me out of the way, griped his ropes and disappeared. I have searched for him, the entire castle and the grounds, but you know just how much space you have to hide at Hogwarts. I would’ve asked James for the Map, but he was playing Qidditch. So I waited for him, we both missed the training, Morgan was so pissed with us. But he didn’t came back, not even for dinner. I wanted to wait but then I must have fallen asleep. The next morning he was there, acting as nothing had happened. I said I wanted to talk, but he just brushed me of. Three days he was avoiding me and finding excuses not to talk to me. Then I told him I would go to professor McGonagall if he still would refuse to talk to me.”

“And why didn’t you tell McGonagall?” asks Harry.

Albus shrugs his shoulders “I just couldn’t. I wanted him to explain what he was doing, it would have felt like betrayal if I had gone to tell on him.”

“And did you talk to him?”

“Yes, he said that it looked worse than it actually was, that it wasn’t dangerous and he wouldn’t do any serious damage to himself. It would help him calm down and focus when he was upset. I should not be worried. He dismissed it so casually that I started to believe him. He told me he would not do it again if I was so worried about it.”

“And you wanted to believe him, didn’t you?” Harry asks his son in a low voice. Albus nods.

“And then three weeks ago, he cut himself so deep that he got himself scared, he asked me for help. He led me heal it. He was really, really scared. He said he would stop. He swore it to me. Now he is all secretive again. I’m sure he cuts again. I think he can’t control it anymore.”

The only thing Harry can do is nod.

“Do you know how this started?”

“I guess it’s these dam books.”

“Which books?”

“You know how he is obsessed with all these muggel stuff? He is even worst than grandpa. About a year ago he found himself a couple of books on muggle-medicine. One of them was on mental health. I think he learned all about this from this books, I think he uses them as a instruction on what to do. He would go to sleep with these books and after Christmas break there where more, even muggle-novels about this kind of thing.”

Harry is to shocked to say anything. So they just sit in silence a couple of minutes until Harry speaks up again.

“You know that I have to confront him, this can’t go on, not under my care, especially with Lily in the house.”

Albus eyes widen, he hadn’t even thought about his little sister. He imagined her to walk in on scene like he had a couple of months ago. It was very unlikely to happen though, as Scorpius was very careful to hide all the evidences, but still…

“yeah” he said. He bowed his head. Scorpius would hate him for that.

“And I have to tell his parents.”

“Do you really have to tell them, Dad?”

Harry led out a sigh “I’m afraid so, this can not go on without their knowledge, you understand that, don’t you?”

“ Yes I do, but… he is never going to speak another word with me ever again.”

Harry looked sad “Maybe, but maybe he understands that you were only trying to help him.”

“I hope so”

Silence again.

“Well then, I have to go and talk to him.”

“Last I have seen him, he was in my room hiding away from me.”

Harry hesitates, he don’t want to do this, but it had to be done. His stomach feels like it is filled with stones. He goes upstairs and knocks softly at the door to Regulus old room, that now is Albuses, before entering. Scorpius sits on the spare bed, his long legs folded underneath him, reading a cheap paperback-novel. He looks up from the book his grey eyes piercing. In this moment Scorpius reminds Harry more than ever of his father Draco Malfoy. Usually he reminds him not at all of his school-enemy, though their features where much alike. He is also blonde, tall and skinny, his eyes are the same grey as his fathers. But normally Scorpius completely lacked the arrogant look and the typical Draco Malfoy sneer. Now he looks as cold and calculating as his father. Harry is taken aback a little. He knows that Albus told me, he thinks.

“I would like to have a word with you Scorpius.”

Scorpius rests the novel beside him an brings his knees to his chest hugging them tightly with his arms. Now all that Harry can see is shame and fear and a small boy who needs help. He seats himself on Albus’s trunk, facing the teenager.

“So Albus has told you, hasn’t he?” Scorpius speaks up desperately trying to keep his voice from breaking. Harry nods. Scorpius looks as if he is about to cry.

“It’s okay Scorpius. I’m not here to shout at you, I just like to make sure that you are alright.”

“I am alright, don’t worry.” Scorpius tries to sound reassuring.

“Anyway I would like to see your arm.”

“Why?”

“Because I have to see how bad this is. I am your temporary guardian and you are my responsibility.” 

The boy looks panicked and clutches his arms even tighter around himself.

“No, please don’t.”

“I’m sorry but I have to. I promise I will not comment and I will not judge you.” Harry says softly.

Scorpius hesitates, then he held out his left arm. Tears are running down his face. Harry stands and takes one step closer to the bed where the boy is sitting. Carefully he rolls up his sleeve. There are three fresh cuts on his inner arm, just underneath the elbow. Harry is relived to see, that they aren’t very deep. Still they must have caused some bleeding. Around the fresh cuts there are scars, white outstanding scars allover. In the middle of his forearm there is a long, angry one. It is not tidily lined like the other ones but ragged and wild. It must be the one Albus healed. Harry downplays his shock. As he reaches for his wand and places it besides the fresh cuts, Scorpius tightly shut eyes flew open.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to heal them.”

Scorpius tries to jerk his arm out of Harrys grip.

“Please don’t.” he whispers.

“You don’t want me to heal them?”

Scorpius shakes his head. “No.”

Harry sighs, “Ok, but then I have to clean them and bandage you up.”

“But they are not deep, they don’t need a bandage.” Scorpius tries to protest.

“There are open wounds anyhow, so there is no discussion.”

Eventually Scorpius gives in. Harry accios the band aids. When he is done, he allows the boy to put his sleeves back down.

“Are you going to tell my parents? “ Scorpius asks quietly.

Harry looks at him with a sad expression. “You understand that I have to tell them, don’t you?” he says gently.

“yeah, sure, whatever.”

Harry stands up. “And Scorpius, please don’t be mad at Albus. He was just so worried and he wants to help you. So please don’t be mad, ok?” He flushes a little smile at the boy.

“I know that he only wanted to help.” Scorpius bows his head down in shame. “I’m sorry!”

“You don’t need to be sorry Scorpius, it’s gonna be okay, don’t worry.”

He leaves the room, letting Albus in, who was waiting just outside the door.

“Go in and talk to him, he is very upset now.”

Harry makes his way down to his study, thinking about the letter he would have to send to the Malfoys. He figures that he couldn’t explain such a delicate subject in a letter and had to ask them to come by this evening to discuss the matter personally. He sighs again. What a mess. Even though there were civil with each other, mostly for the sake of their kids, he still was not friends with Draco and he is feeling very uncomfortable that he has to bring something like this to his attention.

But this is not about him, it is about helping that poor kid.


	2. Chapter 2

Draco Malfoy is surprised to see the owl, he believes belongs to the Potters, knocking at his window. He lets her in and gets the piece of parchment.  
Why would Potter write him? Hopefully there is nothing wrong with Scorpius. Dracos hands tremble as he unfolds the small letter.  
It says: “Draco, could you and Astoria come by tonight after work? There is something important to discuss.”  
Draco stares at the paper in his hand, it’s completely vague. The only thing he can imagine Potter might want to talk about is his son, who has stayed with the Potters for two weeks now. But it’s not the first time Scorpius stays with the Potters and there never was a problem before, besides that Draco can not imagine his son to get in any kind of mischief. Maybe he had fallen ill? But that’s not likely- it was just yesterday evening that he had received a letter from him, saying how much fun he was having staying with the Potter family. So had there been an accident? But then Potter would have flooed, wouldn’t he?  
Draco lets out a sigh, he has to wait till finishing time at the Ministerium. He glances at his watch. Still two hours to go. He sighs again and writes a little note for his wife, to let her know that her presence is requested in the Potter household after work. As she works for the Ministry as well– department of international collaboration he can use the housepost. He folds up the little notice and let it fly down to her.  
Seconds later he gets her reply. Everything alright with Scorpius? It says. He writes back: Don’t know we have to wait and see.

He tries to concentrate on his work, but there is no chance he gets anything done now. Potters letter has left him restless, he senses that it somehow has to mean something bad. Half an hour before he officially finishes work, Draco closes his books starring at the bookcase on the other side of the room.  
In the beginning he was not thrilled that his only son was becoming best friends with Albus Severus Potter. In fact, he had been furious. Of all people Scorpius could be friends with it had to be his old, school enemy’s son?  
Yes, Potter had saved him at the Hogwarts battle and had afterwards helped to clear his name. He had the suspicion that his position at the department of magical prosecution had something to do with Potter, pulling a few strings as well. But there were still feelings of animosity between them. There were trying to be civil- for the sake of their children. For all it was worth, he finally accepted his son being friends with the Potter- boy. And in fact, he was glad that Scorpius had found such a good friend in Albus. Draco had always been a little bit worried about his son. He just was to sensitive. He was always sweet and caring but also incredibly shy and his self- esteem was very low. Draco had tried his best to protect his son from all the hate, people obvious still felt towards the Malfoy-family.  
He didn’t blame them, he knew he had made terrible mistakes that where unforgivable, but it didn’t gave people the right to insult an innocent child like his son.  
And he knew that this was eating away on Scorpius. He was sorry for that. But getting sorted into Gryffindor and becoming friends with the potter-boys, mostly Albus as there where the same age, had been good for Scorpius. Albus happy-go-lucky character had helped to get Scorpius out of his shell and open up a little bit. So he was glad for this friendship.

A gentle knock on the door pulls him out of his thoughts.  
Draco calls “come in” as he knows that it must be his wife.  
Astoria opens the door and Draco knows immediately that she is as worried as him. Her clear blue eyes are clouded and her porcelain skin is even paler than usual. She supports her fragile body by leaning at the doorframe. Draco crossed the room with a few steps.  
“Honey, don’t worry… I’m sure everything is alright.” He doesn't sound convincing.  
He gives her a small kiss on the cheek and guides her to the chair in front of his desk. Half an hour they sit mostly in silence, just exchanging some nonsense of their days so far. With a final peek to his watch he stands up and makes his way to the fireplace, Astoria right behind him. He casts the floopowder into the flames takes Astorias hand and steps with her in the now green burning fire.  
“Grimauld-Place Nr. 12” Draco says loud and clear.

Harry is wandering around in his small study, wondering how he would brake the news to the Malfoys. He is feeling slightly sick.  
Then the fire in his fireplace is glowing green and Astoria and Draco are appearing in the flames, stepping out of the fire seconds later.  
Both know immediately that something is wrong. Harrys face is dead serious.  
“What happened?” Astorias voice is nearly panicked. “Is there something wrong with Scorpius?”  
Draco puts a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down.  
Harry nods. “I’m afraid so Astoria”  
“Well spit it out then, Potter” Draco growls, he doesn’t care if he is polite or not.  
Harry helplessly shrugs his shoulders. “Have a seat please…. This afternoon Albus came to talk to me. He was worried about Scorpius. He told me…”  
Harry stops talking, starring at Astorias pale face ignoring Draco who stands behind her, hands on her shoulders.  
“He told me…” he starts again “….that Scorpius is hurting himself…on purpose.”  
“what?” that comes from Draco.  
Astoria just stares at Harry, eyes wide in shock.  
“What do you mean, for Merlins sake?”  
“I mean”, Harry now tries to say it more clearly “…that he is cutting on his arms.”  
“He wouldn’t do that, why would he? Albus must have told you a lie!”  
“No Draco, he has not told me a lie.” For the first time Harry looks directly at Draco. “I have seen it. There are fresh cuts and there are many scars.”  
Dracos eyes widen “But why…” he stumbled.  
“I don’t know why, it’s not my place to ask him why he does it. The important thing here is that he is doing it and that it is going on for quite a while. He needs help.”  
Draco shakes his head “I don’t believe this, I just don’t believe it.”  
Astoria says nothing, she is trying to hold back the tears. She isn’t very successful.  
“So how long has this been going on?”  
“Albus said, that he suspects it started a year ago.”  
“A year ago?” Draco echoes.  
“Honestly I don’t know” Harry says.  
Draco sinks down in the armchair Albus sat a few hours ago, telling Harry about Scorpius. He lets his head sink into his hands.

In Albus room the two boys are sitting on the bed facing each other.  
Scorpius has been crying for hours now, he is exhausted. Minutes ago the boys have heard the swooshing sound of the floo and the raised voices of their fathers, although they couldn’t understand what was said downstairs. Scorpius is overwhelmed with fear, his mind is blank and his heart is pounding against his ribcage. His right hand is searching up his left arm, and when he finds the fresh cuts he presses down hard, hoping the pain will clear his mind.  
“Stop it, you making it worse.” Albus takes Scorpius hands in his and holds them with a firm grip, refusing to let go.  
Scorpius starts crying again. Then they hear steps on the stairway and a knock at the door. Scorpius father opens the door, his face pale and dull, behind him his mother, crying.  
“Albus, can I talk to my son in private, please?” Draco says much softer than Albus had expected.  
He nods and makes his way to the door. He looks back at Scorpius again, who is sunken into himself, his hands on his arms again. Then he closes the door.  
Draco kneels down beside his son. He takes his hands gently in his own. Astoria still stands by the door.  
“Scorpius” he says softly “Scorpius, please look at me”  
Scorpius slowly looks up in his fathers eyes.  
“So Harry told me that you haven’t been well for a while. He told me that you have been cutting yourself on purpose. Is that true?”  
Scorpius nods, no point in denying it now. He hears his mother sobbing.  
“Can I see?” his father asks.  
Scorpius isn’t responding, so Draco stretches out his left arm and rolls up his sleeve. He drew in a sharp gasp as he sees all the white scars littering the whole of his sons arm. His long fingers gently strip down the bandage.  
Scorpius is so ashamed. He looks away. Suddenly his mother is by his side, too.  
“Oh Scorpius, why….” She begins, but is stopped by the look her husband gives her. This is not the time or the place to discuss the why.  
They look at the three parallel cuts before his father adjusts the bandages over them again. His cold fingers sliding down to his wrists. Scorpius is shivering. His father rolls down his sleeve again, brushing gently over his hands.  
Scorpius is no longer able to hold back the tears. Astoria sits down beside him and embraces him.  
“Shh” she whispers “it is going to be alright… it’s ok honey.”  
“Scorpius” his father speaks up, “Harry said, that you could stay here if you want to, but we would prefer if you would come home with us.”  
Scorpius nods between the sobs. Yes, he wants to go home, in his own room, he wants to stay with his mother who holds him comfortably.  
With a swing of his wand Draco summons his sons belongings into his trunk and levitates it downstairs. Harry is waiting at the stairs.  
“He wants to come home with us.”  
“Yeah, sure. I just hope he gets better. We are here for your family if you need us.” He could not believe he had just said that to Draco Malfoy.  
Draco looked at him with a strange expression on his face. Harry knows that he is thinking the exact same thing.  
“Thanks…it is appreciated.” Draco managed to say. “And thank you for telling us.”  
“Sure.”  
Draco makes his way upstairs again, leaving the trunk by the fireplace. Then he guides his wife and son back down.  
Albus who’d been sitting in the living room comes to hug Scorpius and says goodbye.  
“I’m sorry, but I had to tell.” he whispers into his friends ear.  
“Yeah, I know.” Scorpius retorted weakly.  
Harry throws some floopowder in the fire, Astoria and Scorpius stepping in first.  
"Jarman str. 100" Astoria says.  
They no longer own the Malfoy Mansion, but a nice Victorian townhouse in London. Within seconds they are gone. Harry shreds some powder again and Draco steps in the flames, his sons trunk by his side. He also says the address and vanishes into green fire.

Harry looks at his son, who stands in the middle of the room, seeming lost. Now it was only the two of them in the house. Ginny currently was in Ireland, sorting things out for the upcoming Quidditch- season. James had left hours ago to meet Teddy and Lily was with her grandparents and cousins at the Burrow. It had been planed, that Albus and Scorpius would join them in two days time, when Ginny would be back. But now it looked like this was not going to happen. Harry thinks about apparating to the Burrow or to floovisit Ginny in Ireland, but he don’t want to leave Albus alone, following the resent events. And he had a feeling that Albus was not up to visit anyone.  
“Albus do you want a hot Chocolate?” he asks.

Draco Malfoy sits in an armchair in his living-room, starring into the fire. He can not wrap his head around what had happened earlier that day. Why would Scorpius do such a thing to himself? And how could he have missed that his son was hurting so much that he felt the need to hurt himself?

They hadn’t discussed it that evening. Draco had thought, that it was better if they would delay the awful questions to the next day. Scorpius seemed exhausted anyway. Astoria had agreed to let the matter rest until the next morning. So they had allowed their son to go to his room and have dinner in bed. Draco had given him a calming drought and Astoria had told him stories, like she used to when he was little, until he had fallen asleep. They had left the house-elf with him, - just in case.  
They stayed up late, trying to discuss “the thing” but they where running in circles, they didn’t know anything about it. So Astoria decided to go to bed. Draco had urged her to take a calming drought as well.  
Draco decides to write to Harry, maybe he could answer some questions.

Harry,  
I am sorry to disturb you that late, but as you can imagine I have a lot of questions and maybe you could help to find an answer to a few. I haven’t really heard about a thing like that, so I assume it must rather be a muggle condition? Am I right about that? You know how fascinate he is with everything muggel related. If you know anything, please let us know.  
P.S. Scorpius is asleep know, we didn’t press him to explain himself just yet.  
Thanks, Draco

He seals the letter and gives it to his owl. He doesn't expect an answer, it is long after midnight, so he is surprised when half an hour later his owl softly knocks at the window. He unfolds the short letter.

Draco,  
I’m sorry, but I don’t know much about this kind of thing. But I would agree that this is rather a muggel problem, as you know, when we wizards get upset we tend to rather temper with our magic than do harm to ourselves. Albus told me, that Scorpius has developed a special interest in muggel medicine, especially mental health. I believe he has some medical books? Maybe you should take a look at them. Albus suspects that Scorpius used them as an instruction for developing this issue. Besides that, I don’t know anything else. Just that Muggels who fall ill with these kind of things are tend to visit a therapist. It’s kind of a mind healer, who mostly tries to heal them by talking about the problem.  
I hope Scorpius will be getting better.  
Harry

The medical books, of course. He gets up and goes into his boys room, quietly opening the door who is just ajar.  
“Accio Medical books” he whispers and two heavy books fly into his open arms.  
He looks at his son, Scorpius is sleeping peacefully, looking so much younger than 14. He kisses his forehead and nods to the house-elf who is sitting in the corner, before her returns to his place by the fire.  
He reads that, what in the books is called self-harm or self-injury, apparently is a not so little problem in the muggel world. He learns that it often starts in the adolescent years and sometimes carries on a lifetime. He learns that there are various reasons for doing this and he reads about the dangers. It’s not helping to ease his mind, at all. Then he places the book at the coffeetable and decides to go to bed as well. He is not sure if he actually be able to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

As Scorpius opens his eyes to the bright sunlight coming from the windows, he is in his own bed, in his own room. It feels comfortable and he wishes he could just go back to sleep. He remembers everything yesterday had happened. Even if his parents where surprisingly calm until now, he has not the illusion that they wouldn’t ask questions and force him to talk about his…habit. He closes his eyes again.  
Suddenly there is a short knock at the door and his mother comes in with a tray full with food.  
“We thought, that you would like to stay in bed.” She says softly.  
He nods. “Yes, I would like that, though, I’m not sick.” Do they think that I’m sick? he asks himself. Maybe they think I’m crazy.  
“We know that you are not sick.” his mother says in a calming voice. She sits down beside him and places the tray at his knees.  
“Look, we know that you are not sick or crazy, for that matter” guessing his thoughts, “but something clearly is not right, and we need to talk about that. Now eat your Breakfast.”  
After he had eaten at least a bit, although he had not really an appetite, he gets up and dresses himself. He doesn’t want to have these kind of conversation in bed, feeling like a child. So he goes downstairs. His parents are in the living-room, talking in hushed voices. He enters without knocking.  
“So you’re up.” His father says, smiling encouraging.  
“Yeah, morning Dad.” he replies.  
“We like to talk, please have a seat.”  
Scorpius takes the armchair facing his father. His mother takes a seat next to his father. He is staring down and nervously tucking at his sleeves, trying to pull them further down his hands. His parents are watching him with concern.  
“So could you tell us why you do this?” Astoria ask, voicing the question that keeps repeating in hers and her husbands mind since last night.  
Scorpius stays silent, he is looking down at his hands unable to meet his parents’ eyes. The silence remains for a few minutes.  
“Scorpius?” his father questions.  
Scorpius shakes his head, shrugging. “I don’t know.” he whispers.  
Draco sighs, it’s not like he did not expect the conversation to go this way but he had hoped it would be different.  
“Ok, so you cannot tell us why you do it in general, but maybe you could tell us why you made those cuts yesterday. Can you do that?”  
“But it’s so stupid.” he says soundlessly.  
“We wont judge you. We just want to understand you better.” his mother tells him.  
Scorpius can feel the tears running down his cheeks again. He hates it.  
His mother attempts to get up to comfort him, but his father paces his hand on her arm to keep her from getting up. He is grateful for that. How could he possibly stand his mother touching him, trying to comfort him when he inflicts so much pain on them. He knows that they are worried sick about him and that he had hurt them badly.  
“I was angry at myself.” he said quietly, “we where playing Quidditch, James, Albus and me, I couldn’t protect my goal and James kept scoring. And when I lost, I was mad at myself for loosing. James teased me for being a sore loser. And he was right. That’s why I got really angry with myself. This anger kept burning inside me, and I couldn’t get it out of my mind.” he had started to talk very fast and needed to breath in before he could continue. “Albus was watching me, he tried to talk to me, but when I get like that the only thing that releases the anger or the bad thoughts is this…” he helplessly stretches out his arms before he sinks back into the chair. He is ashamed of his outburst, ashamed about himself. His mother is crying because of him. He don’t want to be the reason why his mother cries.  
“Does that happen often, that you are angry with yourself?” his father questions. He nods.  
“And this feeling is the reason why you hurt yourself?”  
He shrugged. “Mostly.”  
“That means?” Draco pushes gently.  
“It’s not only anger but every bad feeling. Like guilt or impatiens or frustration. There all build up inside of me so bad, I need to release them.”  
“And there is no other way you can deal with these kind of feelings? Talk to someone. To Albus for example? “  
“No, certainly not!”  
“And why is that? I’m sure Albus would listen to you. Just like we are wiling to listen to you.”  
“I just can’t. He will just think that I am mad, he will hate me.” Scorpius realizes that he starts to sound hysteric. He tries to calm himself down by tucking his nails into his palm.  
Draco sees how upset his son is becoming, sees how he digs his nails deep into the palms of his hands- is he trying to inflict pain on himself? He reaches out to Scorpius and takes his hands.  
“Stop that.” He tells him. “When you are upset, you have to talk about it, not hurt yourself. This will not make it better or the problem go away, this makes things worse!”  
Scorpius jerks his hands out of his grip and shoots him a furious gaze.  
“You don’t understand. Leave me alone!” He runs out of the room, slamming the door behind him.  
Astoria looks at her husband. “Draco, what should we do?” she asks him desperately. He shakes his head.  
“I don’t know” he says quietly, “I just don’t know.”


	4. Chapter 4

Slamming the door to his room, Scorpius tries to calm himself down. He needs the release so badly, but he knows that it would be stupid to do it. If his parents find out that he cut himself again, they would go nuts. And he knows that they are going to find out for sure. He thinks of doing it on his thighs or his ankles, an its not like there weren’t scars as well, but he knows that his parents would look there eventually too. So left with no other option, he presses his fingers down at the already healing cuts he made yesterday. There is pain, not much, but it helps him to calm down enough, so he can focus again. This would have to do, until the situation had calmed down. He would have to be careful, for that he was under constant observation. But in three weeks, school would start again and in Hogwarts he could do whatever pleased him. With his fingers still pressed against the wounds he turns to the window and stares down at the small backyard garden. He doesn’t turn around as someone knocks at his door.  
“Are you alright, Scorpius?” his father asks, his voice sounds concerned.  
“I haven’t cut myself, if it’s that what you mean.” He snaps at his father, before turning around.   
Draco just stares at his son. He keeps staring until Scorpius raises his voice.  
“What? What do you want?”  
“I came to inform you, that we have an appointment at St. Mungos at 4pm.” Draco says stiffly. Now it is Scorpius turn to stare.   
“No” he says, “No, no, no. Please don’t do that to me. Please don’t. Dad, please. “  
His father says nothing.  
“Please, I promise I’ll stop, but please don’t make me go.” Scorpius is begging now.  
“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you. Haven’t you promised to stop, to Albus three weeks ago? Nothing is gonna happen to you at St. Mungos. We just need to know how we can help you. I’m not entirely sure, that they do know how to help you in St. Mungos, but we have to try.”  
Scorpius is furious now. “I don’t need help. I’m totally fine. What’s the big deal anyway? I don’t need you and Mom fussing over me. I don’t need you to watch me all the time. I don’t need help!”  
His mother appears behind his Dad. “What’s going on here?” she demands to know.   
“Mum, tell him I’m not crazy, I don’t need to go to the hospital. He just wants to get rid of me. He tries to ship me of to St. Mungos, to get me in with all the people who lost their minds during the war” he pauses, evil glittering in his eyes, “lost their minds due to the actions of his fellow death eaters, our family even.”   
He looks at his father, he wants to hurt him. Strange satisfaction is rushing through him as he sees his father flinch at these words. One second later, he feels guilty.  
When his father speaks, he can hear how much effort it costs him to let his voice sound calm.   
“Nobody said anything about keeping you there. We have an appointment with a healer, after that we are all coming back here. And I don’t care if you think you are fine and don’t need help. I think what you are doing to yourself is dangerous and you sure do need help. Given the fact, that you are a minor, I still have a saying in your personal business. So you can stop arguing. There will be no further discussions. We are leaving in an hour. Be ready.”  
And with that, he takes Astoria by her hand and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

One hour later, Scorpius sits at his bed, waiting for his parents to call him down.  
Finally, he steps in the floo, his mother holds his hand and requests St. Mungo's. I  
n seconds they arrive in the great hall. His father arriving just after them. Draco goes over to the information desk, informing the bored witch behind it that they have an appointment with Healer Jordan. They’re ordered to wait until the healer shows up. He is a plain looking man in his thirty’s. He looks Draco up and down, but he says nothing. He leads them into a small office in the second floor. He sits down behind his desks and gestures the family to take seats as well. Then he turned to Scorpius.  
“So, I understand, that you have been harming yourself recently. Is that correct? “he asks.  
Scorpius don’t know what to do. This is like his worst nightmare. The healer keeps starring at him.  
“Young man?” he presses, slightly annoyed by the remaining silence.  
Scorpius nods slowly, his whole body feels numb. This is just so humiliating.  
The healer turns to his parents. “This kind of behavior is extremely rare in the wizarding world. There are mostly muggelborns or halfbloods who show this kind of...eh…behavior. your son is the first pureblood, as far as I know.”  
Draco stares at the man in disbelief.  
“Well there is a first time for everything, isn’t there?” he snaps at the healer.”I don’t care if he is a medical curiosity, he is my son for Merlins’ sake, and he needs help. That’s the reason we came to you, to ask for advice.” Draco had rose from his chair as he spoke, his hands where now resting at the desk and he was glaring in the mans face. His expression screamed bloody murder. The healer had backed away from the desk and now was nearly pressed against the wall.  
“I’m sorry Mister Malfoy. This was not a very professional comment, I apologize.” He managed to say. “Normally we tell patients with that kind of problem to seek help in the muggel world. They have special trained doctors called therapists. But since last year, we have a young healer who is specialized to mental health treatment, especially for disorders who are categorized to be more muggel related. She had been trained in the standard healing that St. Mungo's provides as well as in a muggel-hospital.” He looked at Scorpius again. “I arranged you a meeting with her, she will be here any minute.”  
Just as he had said that, someone knocked at the door. “come in” he calls out.  
A young woman enters the room. She is probably in her late twenties and looks very nice. She has an open face with soft blue eyes, her honey blonde hair is short and curls around her face. She offers her hand to Astoria. “I’m Alicia McKoy, nice to meet you.” Then she shakes Dracos hand, before she turns around to Scorpius. “And you must be Scorpius” she smiles at him reassuringly. The healer behind the desk gets up and heads for the door. He nods at the family. “I leave you to discuss further matters” he says before closing the door behind him.  
Miss McKoy takes the now vacant seat behind the desk. Draco also sits down again.  
“So how can I help you? I only was informed, that my presence was requested in the case of Scorpius Malfoy. Would you like to tell me why you are here?” she asks friendly.  
“We found out that our son…Scorpius is hurting himself on purpose. He cuts himself.” Astoria explains in a husky voice.  
“We don’t know what to do, how to deal with it. How to help him.” Draco sounds desperate.  
“I understand, this is hard to fathom, especially for parents.” Miss McKoys’ voice sounds calm “I would like to have a word with Scorpius first, afterwards we can talk some more.”  
Scorpius sees his parents nod, attempting to leave the room. As much as he didn’t want them to be there, he didn’t want them to leave, either. “Dad,…” his father strokes his shoulder reassuringly. “We will be just outside the door, ok?”  
Then he was alone with the healer.  
“So, I assume you don’t want to be here?” she says in her calming, melodic voice.  
Even if Scorpius don’t want to sit in front of her, to spill his guts out, as she probably expects him to do, he has to admit that she is rather nice.  
“No, I don’t want to be here and I don’t have to talk to you.” He says defiant.  
She gives him a small smile. “No, you don’t have to talk to me, but maybe talking about it would make you feel better? I know this is scary for you. Your parents finding out, wanting you to stop. I know that you think this is probably the only way to deal with your feelings, I can assure you that it is not. I can help you to find other coping mechanisms, then to inflict pain on yourself. At least I will try. But for me to be able to help you, you must want to get help. Do you want to learn some healthier ways to deal with your feelings?” she asks him very seriously.  
“I don’t know” he answers, slightly fearing that she would be disappointed.  
“At least you didn’t said no. The rest we can figure out together, with the time being.”  
“So, what happens now?” he asks, trying hard to hold the fear out of his voice.  
“At first I would suggest a medical examination, to know your health in general, then I would like you to fill out a standardized questionair about how you feel. This is one of the muggel- methods I find rather useful.” she tells him. “Then then I would say, we meet once a week and talk for an hour.” She looked into his eyes, which where expressing nothing, but fear. “We don’t have to talk all the time, you can tell me anything you want. I assure you, that talking to someone neutral can be very comforting. You don’t even have to talk to me about your feelings, you can write them down for me to read, sometimes it is easier that way, especially in the beginning. Just for you to know: I wont judge you and everything you say stays confidential between us.”  
“Do I have to be naked for the medical examination?”  
“In your underwear. We need to have a full picture on your health, before you come in my therapy. The cuts… they aren’t just at your arms, huh?” she asks carefully. He bows his head in shame. “No” he whispers.  
“You don’t have to be ashamed” she tells him. “Now, when you are about to take the examination and the questionair, I’m going to talk with your parents.  
She gets up and opens the door, beckoning his parents in again. “Mrs. and Mr. Malfoy, we are going to do a full medical examination on Scorpius, if you want him to attend therapy with me, at least once a week. He has to fill out an questionair to evaluate his state of mind. This is a muggel- method. The therapy is based on what I’ve learned in muggel-treatment and it will mostly be talking. Of course there are cheer- up spells that I can provide and portions to increase his mood, but they are very temporary and I would basically go without them. I am sure you have many questions left, I will see if I can answer them, while Scorpius is being examined. Do you agree with the treatment plan I can provide?  
“Yes” Astoria and Draco say in unison.  
“Since there is no spell or portion, that would help right away. Draco adds. Miss McKoy gives him a sad smile. “No, there isn’t. These things need time.”

“So how can we help him?” Astoria asks the therapist.  
“So far you handled this situation very well, from what I can tell. It is important not to judge him and not to add pressure. If you pressure him to much to stop, he could feel much more guilt if he cuts himself again, and that would make it worse.”  
“Do you know why he does it?” Draco asks hopefully. If he’d only knew the reason, it would be easier to find a solution, wouldn’t it?  
“I’m sorry Mr. Malfoy, I don’t know yet. Usually there is no easy answer. And as the persons differ who do something like this, so the reasons differ, too. In general, harming-oneself is a coping mechanism, to deal with difficult feelings. Often it’s only a symptom of a general mental health problem, like depression or trauma. It mostly develops in the early adolescence years, and for some people it is indeed just a phase, but for most of them it is not. It can turn out to be a lifelong struggle. Many patients say, that inflicting physical pain on themselves helps them to deal with the inner pain that they are feeling. It helps them to regain control over it. Some claim, that they are feeling numb and they need to hurt themselves to feel something. Often cutting is a very ritualized behavior, but sometimes it can also happen very unconscious. Blood flow and scarring can have a special meaning for the person who does it. Some need to see blood in order to archive what they want to archive though their self-injury, some don’t. But most patients have a very complicated relationship to their scars.  
The risks are of course cutting to deep and dying of bloodloss, cutting a vein by accident, there is a high risk of infection, especially when the wounds are left unattended. And there is the risk of doing damage to the muscles and the nerves. Many patients become addicted and with the time, they need to make longer or deeper cuts to be satisfied.”  
The Malfoys have been listening to her explanations. Astoria is silently crying. Draco is as white as the wall behind him.  
“That’s so horrible” Astoria manages to say.  
“Yes, it is and I’m sorry. But it is better you know as much as possible about your sons’ behavior, that’s the best way you can help him. Signalize him you are always there to talk and don’t get upset about it, at least not in front of him. If he decides to show the injuries, try to have a neutral ton about them. It is hard to gain a balance between showing him that you care and pressuring him. Don’t take away his tools. If he has some. If he wants to cut, he will find ways to injure himself, so if you take away what he usually uses, he will maybe resort to something even more dangerous.”  
“He has some books about muggel-medicine, his friend suggested that he got the idea of cutting himself from those books, is that possible?  
“Yes, it is indeed possible, self-harm can be triggered by pictures, stories or seeing someone doing it. But if he was triggered by these books he must have been mentally unstable before that.”  
“Should we take these books away?  
“No, not yet. Even if there are triggering for him, they also provide comfort. That’s what he needs right now. You must understand, now that you have found out, he is terrified that you will take the cutting away from him. But now, it is the only way he knows to deal with his emotions.”  
Draco sighs, “We are going to try our best.”  
“It is good to see that you are so supportive.” She smiles at them.  
A knock at the door ends their conversation. Healer Jordan enters, with Scorpius trailing behind him. He hands tow files to Miss McKoy and after a short nod to everyone he leaves the room. Scorpius refuses to look at anyone. The young doctor takes a quick look at the medical exam. Then she consults her enchanted calendar, a gift from her boyfriend that she secretly hates, because it had stupid sayings on every page.  
“First session in four days? Next Tuesday at 6pm? Can you floo him here?” she asks his parents.  
“That will be no problem, I can get of work at 5pm.” Astoria answers.  
“Alright then. Scorpius, I like to discuss this medical file with your parents, would you like to stay or to wait outside?”  
He would definitely wait outside while his parents learned about the cuts on his legs.  
“Um… I wait outside.”  
He quickly slips out of the room.  
Miss McKoy opens the file, “It seems to be that physically he is in good health, a little bit underweight, but I think that comes naturally to him. He is eating alright at home, isn’t he?”  
“Yes he is. I was the same, when I was his age” Draco responds.  
“Good. He had broken a rib once?”  
“Yes, last year at a Quidditch- match.”  
“So he is playing in the Team? Which position?”  
“Yes, he is a chaser.”  
She smiles. “I was a seeker at my time in Hogwarts.”  
Draco grinned, “Me too.”  
“Now it’s not the right time to discuss Quidditch.” Astoria interrupts them gently.  
Draco frowned, “you are right, my dear. Why would you ask about the rib anyway? It has been healed by the school nurse…. Madame Anders.”  
“Just to clarify, self-harm can include braking bones oneself.”  
They look at her in shock. “What?”  
“I don’t think that is an issue with Scorpius, though. I just asked to be sure. Besides that, we had to make sure that he wasn’t been abused.”  
She raises her voice a little, as she sees that they both open their mouth to protest.  
“We know that he has not been abused, but it is a standard to check with patients who self-harm. More than 50 % have suffered physical or sexual abuse. What you need to know, is that the cuts are not limited to his left arm. There are several scars on his thighs and ankles too. It is clear, that this has been going on for quite a while now. After Scorpius statement about a year.”  
“So should we check for new cuts everyday?”  
“No, I don’t think so. The cuts he made are not shallow but not very deep either, just deep enough to scare. Just have an eye on him, if he behaves suspicious you can ask him to let you check, but daily control checks would add to the pressure you should try to avoid.  
That would be all for today, Mrs. and Mr. Malfoy. Remember the appointment at Tuesday 6 O’clock. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to send me an owl. She shook hands with Astoria and Draco and accompanied them out of the small office. She offers her hand to Scorpius, who looks a bit uneasy. Goodbye Mr. Malfoy, I will see you next Tuesday in my office. Scorpius gives in and nods with a sigh, what earns him a soft smile from her.  
“Take care Scorpius.”


	6. Chapter 6

Due to the nervousness that Astoria and Draco are sensing in Scorpius behavior when they come back from St. Mungo’s, Draco suggest that they go out to watch a film in the muggel cinema, Scorpius loves this. His wife and himself where not that enthusiastic about the cinema, but Draco leans back and thinks in amusement of all the efforts the muggels were making to have things explode on a screen.  
The next three days went by pretty normal. However, there is a tension between the three of them. Draco and Astoria are watching their son carefully, trying to detect whenever he is upset. For Scorpius it is very unnerving to be watched all the time. After three days of nervousness, anger and guilt building up in him, Scorpius found himself longing for relive. He is trying to hold back the overwhelming feeling of need.  
On Monday evening, he sits in his room, on the floor besides his bed. He is holding a small wooden box. Gingerly he lets his fingertips touch the items in it. An old silvery portions-knife that had belonged to his father and a small muggel-razor blade, wrapped in it’s envelope, some patches and bandages. He would never use magic to heal the cuts, then, it wouldn’t scare. Sometimes he hates the scars, he wishes they would just vanish. But most of the time he had the feeling that he needed them. Sometimes just looking at them, or tracing them with his fingers helped him to stay focused. He is still looking at the box, caressing the small knife with trembling fingers, not allowing himself to pick it up. Because, if he would pick it up, he knows that he would not be able to put it down again, without cutting himself first. A knock on his doors startles him, his father barging in his room a second later.  
Panic fills Scorpius chest, desperate he tries to hide the box under his bed, at the same time getting up as fast as possible, nearly tripping over his bedcovers.  
His father raises his eyebrows.  
“Scorpius?” he asks, confused about his sons’ strange behavior. Just as if he had been caught red handed.  
“Why aren’t you at work?”  
Draco ignores the question and crosses the room with three long steps.  
“What have you done? Did you cut yourself?” he demands to know.  
“No I haven’t …. Let go of me!” Scorpius is outraged about the question.  
His father pushed him to sit down at his bed.  
Draco breaths in, “Then show me your arms.”  
Angrily Scorpius pushes up his sleeves and held his arms out. There where no fresh wounds. “I told you. I didn’t do anything.”  
Draco is not convinced; his guts are telling him that there was something going on.  
“Anywhere else?”  
Scorpius is shaking his head, anger burning in his eyes.  
Draco takes a step back, trying to get a grip. No pressure; he tells himself.  
Then he notices the small box that is stuffed under the bed, he bends down to reach for it. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Scorpius turning his head away. He really doesn’t have to open it; to know what it is. This would be the “tools” the therapist had told them about. He opens it anyway. To his surprise he recognizes one of the things in there immediately. The small knife is his own, back from his days at Hogwarts. He let’s his fingers run over the engraved initials D.L.M, how did Scorpius even get this? He wants to scream, he wants to throw away this awful box, wants to burn it. But he reminds himself of what the healer had said. He had to remain calm. He places the box on the desk, as far away as possible from his son. Scorpius is still not looking at him. He sits down beside him, at the edge of the mattress. Scorpius had brought his knees to his chest, making himself as small as possible. He looks like a sulking child.  
“Can we talk? Please.”  
Scorpius still is refusing to meet his eyes.  
“I’m not mad at you. I just want to talk.”  
His son keeps staring in the opposite direction. So Draco decides to talk to him nonetheless, maybe he is listening. He could try, couldn’t he?  
“So you where thinking about hurting yourself? Can you tell me why you feel the need to do that?”  
Scorpius is only shrugging his shoulders. Draco suddenly has to fight the urge to shake him in frustration. But that wouldn’t help anyone. He waits for Scorpius to start talking, but his son is staring at the wall.  
He lets out a deep sigh, “If you want to talk, I’m in my study.”  
He nearly is out of the door when Scorpius speaks up: “Can you stay, please?”  
He turns around and sits on the bed again.  
“I….” Scorpius hesitates, “I’m just so nervous about tomorrow. And you guys are watching me like I’m some kind of freak!”  
“Listen, you are not a freak! Don’t think that. Your mother and I are just worried about you. We love you very much.”  
Draco remembers his son as a rather emotional child, swinging in his moods from the top of the world to down in the dumps within minutes. He had been telling his parents everything.  
This was completely gone, Draco realised. Scorpius seemed not to swing in his moods anymore, no highs, but no lows either. But now he knew this was not true. His son might not be on top of the world anymore but he was sure down in the dumps sometimes. How couldn’t he have possibly noticed? He had thought this was normal, that his son was so reserved, that it was due to him growing up.  
“When you where little, you talked to us, you told us everything, you talked about your feelings.”  
“yeah, but I’m not a little kid anymore, I can’t run to my mummy crying, every time something is not alright, can I?”  
“Well no, you can’t but you can talk to us about everything, everytime you want to.”  
“Dad, I’m at Hogwarts, most time of the year. And besides that, as I said I’m not a child anymore. I have to deal with it by myself.”  
“No, you don’t have to deal with stuff alone, Scorpius. You have to open up and talk to us or your friends. You can talk to Albus, can’t you.”  
Scorpius lets out a bitter laugh; “yeah, sure, and how long exactly would we stay friends if I came crying to him everytime someone makes a comment about me? Plus, people are talking probably more about him, then about me. He is not such a crybaby like me.”  
Draco feels cold for all the self-loathing he detects in his sons’ voice.  
“Are you being bullied at school?” he asks concerned.  
Scorpius sneered. “I’m a death eaters’ child, what do you expect?”  
Silence falls upon the room. It is not fair that his son had to suffer from his mistakes, Draco thinks to himself.  
“Do you want to be homeschooled?” he asks.  
“No! certainly not. I wont leave Hogwarts because of a few assholes. After all I am a Gryffindor.” He says proudly.  
“Sure you are.” His father smiles at him.  
It had taken time to accept the fact that his son was the first Gryffindor in the Malfoy- Family. But after all what had happened in the past this was probably not a bad sign.  
“Actually I’m home early, because I wanted to suggest to you that we visit the muggel- bookshop that you like and then pick up your mother to have a bite in the pub nearby. Or do you want to stay at home?”  
“No actually, I could do with a little bit of distraction.”  
“Alright, then let’s go.”


	7. Chapter 7

Miss McKoy has a small but bright room on the top floor of St. Mungos. He sits in the comfortable chair facing her. She asks questions about his parents, his friends and Hogwarts. These questions are easy to answer. But when she tries to ask him about his self-harm, he is unable to talk anymore. It feels like his tongue is paralyzed with guilt and shame and his stomach twisted with dread. His whole body tingles with uncomfortable heat and he feels dizzy.  
She says, that it will probably be easier for him to write down his feelings about cutting and the situations where he is triggered. Then she floos him home.

He writes it all down for her:  
The feeling of his skin turning cold and starting to itch when ever he is out with his parents and they where glared at all the time. The hushed voices of all the wizards and witches telling them that they had no right to belong to the wizarding world. Shopkeepers, when selling him things, looking at him with open disgust. All the people refusing to shake hands with his father. The assault at his mother when he was seven and he couldn’t help her. All the statements that the son of the death eater should not be friends with the son of the saviour. The comments of his own house members, that he had had no right to attend Hogwarts and being a disgrace to his house.  
It had taken months until most members of his house had accepted him, until then he was called names everyday and some rather dangerous pranks had been played on him. He had earned some kind of respect with the stoicism that he had shown by putting up with all this, without any word of protest.  
It had helped that he had become friends with Albus Potter. Much to the dismay of Albus older brother James. But even James had accepted him by now. Sometimes he was convinced that Albus was his friend only out of pity. Albus could have been friends with everyone. But Albus always said, that he knew nobody who was as smart, funny and genuine nice as Scorpius. Since Albus had found out about the cutting, he had become even more protective of Scorpius than before. But as much as he knew that Albus meant well, he always felt weaker and worthless, without the right to be a Gryffindor, when his friend stood up for him.  
Scorpius knew, the only way he could make go away peoples prejustice and negativity towards him, was to become a perfect person. So he was always polite, nice and cheerful. He always tried to get good grades but stayed quiet in class, so nobody would take him for a swot. He never allowed himself to show any sign of negative emotion to anyone. He never showed that these hateful words about himself and his family were hurting him. He never let anyone see his doubts about being a Gryffindor. He never showed his anger, his loneliness and the self-loathing to anyone. Only in his private moments he allowed his emotions to show, bringing the pain to the skin.  
He knew that it was an absurd logic, because his worst fear was for anyone to see the scars, but often he was thinking, that only this way people would understand how much they had hurt him.  
If someone was especially mean, he sometimes had to keep himself from smiling at the insults, because he was thinking at the fresh cuts burning beneath his robes, that nobody could hurt him more than he was already hurting himself. He knew, that all of this was completely irrational, nevertheless he was thinking it.  
When he had finished writing all this pathetic nonsense in his journal, he feels a lump building up in this throat. To keep the tears from falling, he scrapes his knuckles over the rough stones at this fireplace. It is bleeding a little bit, his parents are going to notice, but he can’t bring himself to care.


	8. Chapter 8

The next two weeks are actually not bad, he goes to Miss McKoy and she is easy to talk to, if she asks questions he is not comfortable talking about, she doesn't push him. Just says that they would revisit that topic later on. At home he oddly is more at ease, now that his parents know, he can breath and move more freely, without the constant fear of getting found out. 

But at the beginning of his last week at home, his mother takes away his medical books. When he realises that his books are gone he throws a tantrum. He does not care, that he is acting as if he is going crazy. He yells at the top of his lounges, swears, trashes the stuff in his room. He is hitting the walls with his fist. His mother is terrified, she runs downstairs and calls his father in from work. By the time Draco arrives, she is hysteric as well.  
The room of his son is wrecked. At this very moment, Scorpius throws an ink jar against the fireplace, the colour explodes at the rough stones and drips down slowly.  
Scorpius is crying violently, he can barely breath.  
“She had no right to take them away. She can’t take them away, I need them.” He yells at his father. “Scorpius, calm down please” Draco tries to reason with his son. But there is no reaction from Scorpius, who just goes on to destroy everything he can get his hands on, while he is muttering to himself. Draco winces as he sees Scorpius fists colliding with the desk, over and over again.  
“Scorpius! Stop it. Stop it now!” he barks at his son. He grips his arms and holds them tight. Shortly he thinks about casting the Petrificus Totalus curse, but he can´t use it on his own son. So he tries to brake trough his sons haze with words, but it feels as if Scorpius is gone behind a wall of anger and hatred. He is scarcely able to breath.  
“I hate you” he murmurs under the pressed gasps.  
Draco is shocked, never has he heard something like that out of his child’s mouth.  
He guides Scorpius to sit on his bed.  
“Don’t move!” he commands, as he accios the calming drought. When he turns around Scorpius is still on the bed. He has stopped trashing around. Now his eyes are closed and his facial expression is empty. He deliberately hits his head on the wooden bed-head.  
Draco panics. “Stop it, Scorpius stop it.” He yells at him.  
Scorpius opens his eyes and with an eerie little smile, he only hits his head harder. It makes an awful hollow cracking sound. A wave of nausea is floating Dracos stomach. How can this be real? He rushes at his sons’ side, trying to talk to him again, trying to draw his head away from the head-board so he can’t hit it anymore. But Scorpius is having non of it, it’s like he is in some kind of trance. Out of instinct Draco raises his hand and slaps him across the face. He hits him so hard, that Scorpius head flies to the other side. But he snaps out of it. Suddenly he is completely still, his bluish-grey eyes wide. He stares at his father. Draco is shocked by his own actions, the hand he hit his son with, is clapped over his mouth. Slowly Scorpius reaches up to feel his jaw.  
“Merlin, Scorpius I’m so sorry.”  
Then Scorpius begins to cry heartbreakingly. He reaches for his father, clutches at his ropes. Draco closes his arms around the thin frame of his son, who is shaking with sobs.  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He whispers fanatically into his father’s shoulder. Draco is shushing him, rocking him slightly back and forth, as he would do with a much smaller child.  
“You don’t need to be sorry. Its me who needs to apologize. I’m so sorry I hit you, I didn’t know what else to do.”  
Scorpius has calmed down a little and straightens himself up. Draco let go of him, placing his head gently on a pillow.  
He accios the pain-relief portion as well.  
“Drink this.” He holds out the two small vials. Scorpius obeys without question.  
“Where is Mum?” he asks.  
“Downstairs, should I go look for her?”  
Scorpius shakes his head. “No, I don’t want her to see me like this. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say all those awful things to her, and to you either.”  
The calming drought is starting to work; he can feel his tensed–up body is starting to relax. Draco nods silently. “Let me see your head.”  
Scorpius lifts his head from the pillow. Gently, Draco feels for the swelling. Thankfully it is not an open wound, he hopes that the impact was not enough to have caused a concussion.  
“Do you feel nauseous?”  
“No, just tired.”  
“Now your hands, can I heal them? Or do you want me to patch them up the muggel way?”  
Scorpius looks at his bruised hands, the bleeding knuckles. He hesitates before saying: “No, you can heal them.”  
Rather than to accio the small bottle with the Dittany, he fetches it from the medical cabinet downstairs. Also, he goes looking for Astoria. His wife sits in the kitchen staring into a cup of tea in front of her.  
“Would you like to come upstairs? He has calmed down now. I think he wants to apologize to you.”  
She lets out a sigh and gives him a weak smile. “I’ll be up in 5.” She says.

Draco applies the Dittany to his sons’ hands, watching the skin scrapes over, the injuries looking older by the minute. Scorpius is already sleepy. Draco hands him a Pyjama.  
“Change” he says, “and don’t forget to brush your teeth.”  
Scorpius scuffles past him, to the tiny bathroom connected to his room. When he comes back, his mother is there as well. She casts a warming spell on his bedsheets and motions him to lay down.  
“Mum, I’m so sorry.” Scorpius whispers, tears prickling behind his eyes again. When they start to run down his cheeks, he makes no effort to hold them back. He is to tired. His mother shushes him gently, lying down besides him, caressing his hair. He closes his eyes, he is exhausted and the calming portion is dong the rest. His mother starts to sing, like she had done when he was little. Feeling at peace for once, he falls asleep.  
Draco listens to the soft voice of his wife, singing old wizard tunes he remembers from his own childhood. Then she stops singing, only humming quietly.  
“Do you want to stay with him?” he asks.  
She nods. He bends over the bed to kiss her and his sleeping son. She smiles softly at him. “Good night, love.” She says. “You know; I love you both very much.” Draco whispers into the dark room. “We know.” comes the quiet response.


	9. Chapter 9

Draco couldn’t focus at his work, so he decided to get a cup of strong coffee in the cafeteria.  
That’s where Harry sees him 5 minutes later. He is passing trough the cafeteria longing for a cup of tea. He just had dropped Albus of at his grandparents and now, with the house children free, he could pass the whole day at his office.  
Malfoy is sitting alone at a table near the large window, staring dully into his cup. His usual pale face is ash grey and he lookes very tired.  
Hermione had told him earlier, that Astoria had send her an owl, asking if she could take some time of. Harry suspected that it has something to do with Scorpius. And he found his suspicions confirmed by the pitiful sight of Draco Malfoy. Overcoming his strong dislike for his former nemesis, he sits down across from him. Draco looks up.  
“Potter” he says tiredly, not having the energy to patch up a sneer.  
“you look terrible. Everything alright?”  
“Charming as ever, Potter” with Draco not answering his question, Harry tried again:  
“Is Scorpius alright?”  
Draco let out a sigh, rubbing his face with one hand in an attempt to wake himself up.  
“Yeah, he is. More or less. We had a bit of an incident last night. Astoria stayed home with him today.”  
Draco couldn’t understand why he was talking to Potter about it. Normally he would never discuss private stuff, let alone with Harry Potter. But he had the feeling, that he had to spit it out, before his worries were suffocating him. And it wasn’t as if Potter not already knew. He had known before him, for Merlin’s sake. He knows that Potter actually cares for Scorpius, the concerned expression on his face confirms it.  
“His therapist told us, we should move his books to our library, where he would have access to them, but could be supervised. So Astoria took them downstairs. She wanted to explain the new rules to him, but he would not listen. He was having a nervous breakdown. She had to call me in from work. She couldn’t handle the situation on her own. He was screaming and crying, throwing his stuff around, braking everything he could get his hands on… He was slamming his fist into the wall.”  
Draco stopped for a moment, taking some shaky breaths.  
“I managed to to sat him down at the bed, I wanted to give him a calming drought, but before I could summon it” there he pauses again, covering his face with his hands. Harry was waiting silently for Malfoy to start speaking again.  
“…he hit his head on the bedframe, deliberately, he would not stop…”  
Draco has a feeling as if he has to fight back tears, his chest is tight an aches, but there are no tears. He takes another sharp breath.  
“He wouldn’t react when I told him to stop, and he did it again and again. It was horrible. I didn’t know what to do. Harry, I hit him, I slapped him across the face.” He looks at Harry as if he is begging for forgiveness.  
“you didn’t mean to hurt him, didn’t you?” Harry says softly.  
Draco lets out a short, bitter laugh.  
“He snapped out of it. But I’m not sure, if it was the pain or the gesture. He says that hurting himself makes him focus.” He shakes his head. “This is all so messed up. You know… when he was born, I promised myself, that I would protect him, that I would love him unconditionally. I wanted to do better with him, than my father did with me. Now I have the feeling that I’ve failed him.”  
Harry opens his mouth to protest, but is interrupted by Draco.  
“You have no idea how it feels, just how much it hurts to see your child hurting so much. I just want him to be happy.”  
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure it is not your fault that… Scorpius has problems.”  
“And who’s fault is it then?” Draco asks tiredly.  
“Maybe it is nobody’s fault.”  
“Yeah, maybe.”  
“So what are you going to do now?”  
“He is with a healer once a week, she is specially trained in all kinds of mental problems. She has been trained in a muggel hospital as well. Mostly they talk. There are no spells or portions that will help in the long run. We will have to inform the school about his condition. I have to send an owl to request a meeting with McGonagall and Longbottom. Besides that, there is nothing that we can do than hope that he will get better.”  
“Do you think he will be up to visit the Quidditch-game next Friday? Some normality might be good for him.”  
Draco shrugged, “he would like that, I’m sure, but we had planed to go to Diagon Ally next Saturday to collect the school supplies.”  
“Us too. How about that: We collect him on Friday for the game, he stays overnight with us, and we all meet up on Saturday in the Leaky cauldron. 11 O’clock? Albus would be delighted.”  
Draco was still hesitating.  
“We are going to have an eye on him. Nothing will happen.” Harry promises.  
“Sadly, you can’t promise me that, but it can happen anywhere. So you might be right and a little bit of normality would be good for him. Thank you Harry.” He only slightly choked on the “thank you.”


	10. Chapter 10

When Scorpius wakes up, his head feels heavy, it is not directly a headache, but he feels clouded. He figures that it must be from the portions his father made him drink last night. He steps out of bed, showers and dresses. Then he went to the kitchen downstairs, but he stops short when he hears music coming from the kitchen. He checks his watch, it is after 10 am, both his parents should be at work by now. But the house-elves never ever listen to music. That means at least his mother must be home. He peeks around the corner, she has her back turned to him, pottering about at the stove. He sneaks up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, resting his chin at her shoulder, he already is taller than her.  
“what are you doing here?”  
“I’m making Breakfast for us.”  
She turns around, smiling at him.  
“I can see that. But why are you here? Why aren’t you at work? Because of me?”  
“Yes, you were pretty upset last night, so I decided to stay home, to make sure you’re alright.”  
Scorpius looks uncomfortable and his cheeks are burning with embarrassment.  
“You don’t have to babysit me, you know.” It comes out angry. He casts his eyes down.  
“Sorry” he murmurs.  
“It’s alright honey. Besides, I wanted to spend a day with my gorgeous son, you’ll be back in Hogwarts soon. Now sit down and eat your breakfast.”  
She sits down beside him, warming her, always too cold fingers, at a cup of tea.  
“So, how are you today? Your dad told me what happened. Are you alright? He is very sorry. But still he shouldn’t have done it.” she frowns.  
Scorpius runs his hand over his jaw. It hadn’t left a bruise. He shrugs.  
“It’s ok mum, don’t worry. I deserved it. I’m sorry about my behaviour yesterday.”  
“Look Scorpius, what I tried to tell you yesterday, is that we moved your books downstairs in our Library. This was Miss McKoys idea. You can have access whenever you want, but you are not allowed to take them upstairs.”  
“But why?”  
“We believe that they are triggering for you, so we don’t want them in your room.”  
He stares at her with an open mouth.  
“Darling, what happened yesterday had us really concerned.” His mother tries to explain.  
Scorpius bows his head in shame. Now your parents know how pathetic you are. It will not take long until they will give up on you. His thoughts ramble on, pushing him deeper into self-hate.  
“Scorpius? Scorpius!” his mother interrupts his self-loathing.  
He looks up. “yeah?”  
“What exactly happened yesterday?” Astoria wants to know.  
What happened? What happened was that he had felt the pressure of this last two weeks had mount up on him. The pressure to pretend he was ok, unconcerned about his parents watching him, not bothering about all the questions that he had been asked. To pretend that he felt better after those meetings with his therapist, when in reality they where mentally exhausting him, leaving him feeling vulnerable all the time. He was constantly fighting back the urge to ease all this overwhelming feelings the only way he knew would work. He had to keep control, just until he was back at Hogwarts again, then he could give in. When his mother took his books away from him, he had felt like he had lost the last tiny bit that his mind could cling to, to channel all that was not normal about him. Suddenly he was not able to control himself any longer. But all this he could not tell her, she would think that he was crazy.  
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry you saw the real me.” He tries to apologize.  
“What do you mean with the real me?” she asks confused.  
“You know… when I get angry or something, I’m usually better at holding it back.”  
“I don’t want you to hold your feelings back.” She sounds upset.  
“Don’t you think that might be your problem? Suppress your feelings, until they are so built up that they have to break out one way or another?”  
“But what I’m suppose to do against these feelings?”  
“You don’t have to do anything about against them. You have to feel them.”  
“And what, be mad all the time, like yesterday. “  
“You are not mad!”  
“Yes, I’m. I am angry all the time, and I’m to sensitive, I have to keep myself from crying every time someone is all but nice to me.”  
“Sensitivity is not a bad thing, hon. “  
“Yes, it is. It’s weak.”  
“Scorpius, it is human, to feel bad things too. You don’t have to be always happy, you are allowed to feel angry or sad, or hurt.” You just have to voice this feelings, feel them and let them pass. Not hold them in. Not punish yourself for feeling them.”  
“But if I let anyone see how pathetic I am, nobody would like me. It is hard enough as it is, to be a Malfoy.”  
Ah, here we go, Astoria thinks to herself. She knows what her son is referring to. She also made ugly experiences, being married to Draco Malfoy, who maybe was cleared by the law but certainly not in the eyes of many people. She stands up to embrace her son.  
“You are a wonderful person Scorpius, there is no need to hide your flaws, everyone has them, they don’t make you less lovable. You understand me? I just love you the way you are and your father does to. You don’t have to be perfect. Nobody is. But please, please talk to us. When ever you are feeling sad, angry or whatever, talk to us. Don’t hurt yourself.”  
She is crying now. Scorpius has a hard time to swallow his own tears.  
“I’ll try mum, I’ll try.”


	11. Chapter 11

Friday morning Scorpius floos to the Potters. He is nervous, last time he was there, everything had been shattered to pieces. He doesn’t know how to behave around Al, sure he was his best friend and he only told his secret out of concern for him. He knows that, but what he feels is anger and hurt about the betrayal. But when he arrives, Albus smiles at him so genuinely and gives him a short hug, like he always does, Scorpius just pushes the anger down and smiles back at him.  
They have a great day. The Potter and the Weasley family have tickets for the best seats in the whole stadium and Mrs. Potter – Ginny, as she always wants Scorpius to call her, plays marvellous. The last goal is made by her and it is really spectacular. Albus and James are proud of their mother and Scorpius finds himself smiling and bickering back and forth with them and the Weasley- kids. After the game, the two families are waiting for Ginny to join them. Outside the kids are chasing each other around the stadium. Harry, Ron and Hermione are chatting casually. Normally Harry and his family would join Hermione and Ron at their house, it was kind of a tradition. But Harry had told them that he and Ginny would stay home with the kids, only James would go with his aunt and uncle and stay overnight with his cousins. Harry had explained this new situation with Ginny being exhausted after a week away from home and the following game, that she needed some rest. This was only partly true, as Ginny had gladly agreed to his proposition to stay at home that night. But the main reason Harry wanted to stay home was, that he was worried about Scorpius. Ron still was not very thrilled that their kids had befriended the son of Draco Malfoy, even through he, also, had to admit that the boy was nothing like his father. Sometimes he could not help himself to make a sneaky comment about the Malfoys. Harry was not sure, if Scorpius would be able to handle it. So he decided it was safer to stay home with the boys, his daughter and wife.  
“So, is Scorpius the real reason why you are not coming tonight?” Hermione asks him quietly, not letting hear Ron their conversation.  
“Why would you ask?” he can not fool Hermione, he knows that.  
She shrugged; “Just the way you look at him seems a bit concerned, plus Astoria has taken time of, until school starts again. He’s not ill, is he?”  
“No, not really, just a little bit… fragile at the moment.” He was searching for words, “you know how insensitive Ron can be, sometimes. Besides that, Ginny needs a quiet evening.”  
Hermione nods and gives him a small smile. “I hope Scorpius will be alright.”  
“Yeah, me to.” Harry says, absent minded.

Meals at the Potters where always noisy, even without James, conversations and laughter are buzzing all around. Ginny tells them about her week in Ireland, and all of them are laughing until their stomachs are hurting, about the way she illustrates the incredibly stubborn Irish Quidditch commission.  
Lily is beaming at Scorpius all the time, trying to get his attention, she loves him because he always takes the time to play with her, whatever she wants, even if it includes him to be a princess or a dog.  
He would love to have a little sister like her. Just in the middle of another story Ginny is telling, he realises how tense the meals at home have become. His parents watching every move, tension rising by all the unasked questions and the unspoken concerns. He wishes all would go back to normal. A lump is forming in his throat and his chest is getting tight, he can feel the tears burning behind his eyes. You do not cry at the dinner table, he scolds himself. Inconspicuously he presses his thumb into the fork. It is not enough pain, to rid him from the overwhelming sadness he is feeling, but at least enough to keep the tears from flowing. Luckily, no one had noticed his little episode with the fork.  
When they are finished, the boys are helping to clear the table. While Harry is helping Lily to get ready for bed. When all the dishes where in the sink, starting to clean themselves, Ginny asks Albus to go and prepare his room for the guest, while Scorpius stays and help her clean. Albus doesn't mention that he had prepared his room before they had picked up Scorpius. He says nothing and disappears upstairs. When Albus has left the kitchen, she turns around to look at Scorpius.  
“Scorpius?” she asks softly.  
He looks up, suspicious of what is about to come.  
“You looked sad at one point during dinner. Are you alright?”  
He hangs down his head, she had noticed!  
“Yeah” he says quietly.  
“Do you want to tell me about it?”  
He doesn’t want to, he really doesn’t want to tell her, but she is looking at him with her warm brown eyes that are so much like her daughters.  
“It’s just…” he trails of.  
She is still looking at him, waiting for him to continue.  
“Dinner was so nice and cheerful; I was thinking about how awkward dinners are at home now. I want it all to be normal again.”  
Ginny nods and gestures the boy to take a seat at the kitchen table.  
“It will be back to normal, I promise. See, you parents are worried about you, it would be strange if they weren’t. You need to let them in, tell them when you are struggling, be honest with them. What you have to say may scare them, but it is a lot scarier for them not to know what’s going on at all. You know… in my first year at Hogwarts, I’m sure you heard about that, I opened the chamber of secrets, I was being possessed by Tom Riddel. You can imagine how upset my parents were about that. Afterwards, I felt I was being watched all the time, and it wouldn’t make me feel better about myself. Until I understood that they where worried and I had to open up to them in order to gain their trust back, to show them that, even if I wasn’t feeling great, I would try to get better. And I believe that you can do this too, Scorpius, you can learn to talk and you are going to get better!”  
Scorpius looks down at his hands.  
“I’m sorry.” He whispers.  
Ginny is confused, “Sorry about what, sweetheart?”  
“B...Because it was my grandfather who gave you the diary, that possessed you, wasn’t it? You must hate me!”  
Ginny is shocked, it truly wasn’t her intention to upset the boy even more.  
“Scorpius, please listen to me: I don’t hate you! Yes, it was your grandfather who gave the diary to me, but this has nothing to do with you. This is in the past. I don’t think of you as Lucius Malfoys’ grandson, I think of you as my sons’ best friend and a real nice and clever person. Do you understand me? You are not responsible of what members of your family have done, especially long before you where born. It only counts what you will do. Don’t let yourself be defined by just a name.”  
“But everyone defines me by my name!”  
“Not by the people who count, Scorpius, your friends and family. We all like you very much and we want you to be happy… It’s ok to cry.” She says softly, noticing that he is fighting to hold the tears back. Then she reaches over and pulls him into a warm hug. He allows himself to cry. Although it feels good, he scolds himself for it. What is it with the constant crying lately? Don’t be such a baby! You can’t keep that up at Hogwarts. Just as he breaks away from Ginny’s’ arms and dries his eyes at his sleeves, Albus comes back into the kitchen. In fact, he had waited outside the door, until his mother had let go of his best friend again, knowing that Scorpius would be embarrassed if he knew that Albus had seen him cry in his mothers’ arms.  
They play a round of wizard check, Albus looses, as usual.  
When they went to bed they talk about random stuff, until they decide it to call it a day. It is after they said goodnight to each other, that Albus finally has the courage to asks what’s burning on the tip of his tongue all day.  
“Scorpius?”  
“Hmm?”  
“Are you alright?”  
Scorpius is thinking about his options to answer that question. He could give his usual “I’m fine” answer, or he could tell the truth. Albus is worried about the long silence.  
“Scorpius?” he asks again.  
Scorpius decides to try the truth for once. He let out a sigh.  
“No, not really. But I’m getting there. I hope, at least I’ll try.”  
Knowing that this is the most honest statement about his mental state Scorpius has given him since last year, Albus smiles to himself. Something seems to have changed. Maybe Scorpius would trust him from now on with the truth about himself. Maybe all the lies and secrets are over.  
“I’m here for you, whenever you need me, you know that, right?  
“Yeah, thanks Al. Now shut up and sleep.”

While Scorpius was having fun at the game, his father had asked for am meeting at headmistress McGonagalls’ office. Also he had asked Professor Longbottom, head of the house Gryffindor since last year, and the school nurse to be present as well.  
“So tell us, what this meeting is about Mr. Malfoy.” McGonagall demands.  
She is sitting behind the desk, what used to be Dumbledore’s. Draco is shuddering at the thought, that he is back in this bureau, again. He has a hard time pulling himself together. Only after Longbottom asks if it was about Scorpius and if he was ill, he is able to shake the gloomy feeling.  
Then he tells them about his sons’ condition and explains the treatment he has ben given so far. He tells them that he would like to make arrangements so that Scorpius would be able to continue his weekly meetings with his therapist. The room fell silent after he finishes speaking.  
McGonagall speaks first.  
“I must say, it is very alarming, that we all failed to notice, that one of our students is struggling. I can promise you, Mr. Malfoy, that from now on we are going to have a closer eye on him. “  
Longbottom is still white as a sheet.  
“He can use the floo in my bureau, it is more private than the floo in the infirmary.” He says quietly. He can not believe that he had missed something so severe going on with a student of his house. Draco nods in appreciation, even if he can’t bring himself to like Longbottom, he knows that he has ben a good teacher to his son, treating him without any prejudice. He knows that Scorpius likes the professor very much. And maybe, that would make it easier for him to accept the new rules and the closer look at him.  
After everything is settled, Draco is relived when he can leave Hogwarts again.


	12. Chapter 12

After Breakfast at the Potters, they floo into the leaky caldron to meet the Malfoys. They where waiting at a table in the corner. Draco gives his son a short hug and his mother kisses him gently on the forehead. Scorpius is babbling away about the game they had seen the day before. He seems genuinely happy. Draco tries to catch Harrys gaze. “Thank you” he mouths silently towards him. “No Problem” Harry gestures back.  
After they had bought all the boring stuff for school, Albus and Scorpius are running of, to meet with James and the Weasely kids at Weasleys wizard wheezes.  
Scorpius is the first one who leaves the store again. Still halfway in the shop, laughing about some stupid joke Hugo had made, he waits for Albus to follow him outside. A tall blonde witch passes by him.  
“Death Eater scum!” she spits in his face. As she sees Albus appearing behind Scorpius she narrows her eyes.  
“Someone like you should not be allowed to be around someone like him. You are not worth it, to be his friend” she hissed at the boy. Scorpius froze, starring after her when she pushed by.  
“What did she say?” Albus stepped around his best friend so he could see his face. Scorpius expression is blank. Taking a hand to his shoulder Albus shakes Scorpius a bit. This is not good.  
“What did she say?” he questions again.  
Scorpius blinked, then he shrugs away Albus hand.  
“Nothing important. Just that you and me shouldn’t be friends.”  
“You know that this is bollocks, right?”  
“Yeah, sure.” Scorpius gives him a big grin, Albus knows it is everything but honest.  
“Listen to me,” he says seriously, “You are the very best friend anybody could wish for.”  
“Don’t be dramatic Al, just forget that old hag. Let’s go, take a look at the brooms.”  
Albus nods, but he knows, that “the old hag” would not be forgotten, more likely she would turn out to be a new permanent scar on Scorpius body.  
Albus is trailing behind Scorpius, who is practically running.  
“Scorpius could you…”, he calls. Scorpius turns around.  
“yeah?”  
What Albus wants to say is: “promise me not to hurt yourself.” But that was not going to happen, Scorpius had never promised anything to him.  
“Slow down” he finishes lamely.  
Scorpius waits for Albus to catch up with him. Albus can feel the tension in Scorpius body by just standing near to him. He wants to hug him, to smooth out all the negativity running wild in Scorpius mind. Be he knows, that his friend doesn’t like to be touched when he is so drawn into himself. The only thing that have helped in the past to prevent Scorpius from harming himself, was to get him exhausted with extra quidditch training. Of course Scorpius knew, what Albus was trying to do, when he had a bad day and Al was nagging about how he needed extra training. It would be just on the particular bad days when Scorpius would refuse to go and play with him. In the last months Scorpius even would ask Albus spontaneous to go fly with him.  
It was no fun, looking at the brooms with Scorpius so withdrawn. So the returned to their parents who were awkwardly making conversation.  
Before the reach the group of adults, Scorpius graps Albus’ arm.  
“Just keep your mouth shut, this time. Will ya?”  
Albus is staring at his friend, normally he insn't aggressive at all.  
“Fine, do whatever you want. I don’t care anymore.”  
Even though, Scorpius thought that he wanted just that, it hurts him hearing it.  
“Good” he says in a low voice.

Draco and Astoria are sensing the tensed atmosphere between the two boys. Scorpius seems withdrawn and Albus looks angry.  
Holding onto his sons’ shoulders as they Apparate home, Draco can sense how tensed Scorpius is.  
“Have you two been fighting?” he asks.  
“No” he answers absentminded.  
“What is wrong Scorpius?”  
“Nothing. I’m going to my room.”  
Astoria and Draco exchange a worried look.  
Scorpius didn’t care if he was about to get caught. The pain that stuck in his chest was so much worse than what he was about to do to himself. And talking about it wouldn’t help. He just wanted to get rid of it. So he takes his box with him into his little bathroom. He locks the door behind him. The lock is no match for magic, he knows that, but maybe his parents would get the hint.  
He watches himself dragging the small knife over his skin in surgical accuracy. He does not cry. He never cries while cutting himself. That would be illogical.  
There is a knock on the bathroom door.  
“Scorpius, I want you out of this room in less than two minutes, or I’m coming in.” his father demands.  
Scorpius presses a towel on the cuts, desperate to make them look not too bad. They would not stop bleeding in the next minute. Scorpius let out a sigh and pulls his sleeve down.  
His father is looking out of the window when he comes back into his bedroom. He turns around and gestures him to sit down at the chair in front of his desk.  
“Sit” he commands, “Now show me.”  
“Dad…” Scorpius begins, but is interrupted.  
“Roll up your sleeves, now!”  
Scorpius does as he is told.  
Draco takes a long look at the fresh cuts.  
“I assume, you don’t want me to heal them?”  
Scorpius wants to yank his arm out of his father’s grip, it is a horrible, shameful feeling to have him looking at the cuts and scars. He knows that his father is trying hard to hold his facial expression empty of any emotions. Scorpius shakes his head.  
“No, don’t heal them, please.” He says barley audible. This feels wrong.  
His father sighs, but sets his ward aside and instead reaches for a small package that had been sitting on the table. Scorpius frowns at the strange object. It is a muggle first aid kit. Draco had bought it the day after the first appointment at St. Mungos, when Miss McKoy had explained to them, that Scorpius probably wouldn’t accept to be healed with magic and that the scars where somehow important to him.  
It feels all kinds of wrong, having his father cleaning out the cuts and dressing them gently. Scorpius is biting back tears of shame and guilt. But something about his fathers’ cold fingers, touching his damaged skin, feels good too. Like he is loved so much, that nothing he can do will drive his parents away.


	13. Chapter 13

This year at the train platform to Hogwarts, Scorpius doesn’t run of after a quick goodbye, to be with his friends. He stays with his parents until the very last minute. He tries to comfort his mother, he knows she is worried about letting him go. Saturday evening, they had a long discussion about Scorpius returning to Hogwarts at all. Seeing how unstable he was, Astoria wanted him to stay home and be home-schooled. But in the end Draco convinced her, that isolating Scorpius from his peers and being overprotective wouldn’t help him to learn to cope.  
Now they are standing at the platform nine and three quarters. His mother seems tired, her black coat accentuates her paleness, but she smiles softly at him. She gives him a long hug before she pushes him away to look into his eyes.  
“If you need anything, let us know. We love you, remember that.”  
Then she embraces him again.  
His father looks cold and arrogant, but Scorpius knows that he just tries to hide his concern, for the sake of his wife.  
“Dad…” he whispers, “Mum, she is so…I’m sorry, this is my fault.”  
“Don’t worry about your mother,son, I’ll take care of her. You just concentrate on yourself. Promise me that you try to be good to yourself Scorpius.”  
“I’ll try that, I promise.”  
His father hugs him to, before he helps him to get the trunk in the train. Scorpius turns around one last time before stepping in the compartment where his friends are already waiting. His parents are watching him, the worry in their eyes heavier than the day Scorpius left for Hogwarts the first time.  
“He will be fine.” Draco reassures Astoria.

At the first Breakfast in Hogwarts, when they get their timetables, Professor Longbottom leans close to Scorpius and informs him, that he is expected in the infirmary in his free period.  
Great, just great. Scorpius thinks, at least they are trying to be discrete. Scorpius takes a quick look to his right, where James is sitting, but he seems not to have picked up anything, he is joking around with Hugo. Al on the other hand, of course had noticed. He squeezed Scorpius hand reassuringly. Scorpius hates that he is so obvious to Albus, but at the same time he is grateful.  
In the infirmary Madam Anders and Professor Longbottom are waiting for him. Scorpius is asked to take a seat in front of them. Madam Anders explains how they will handle the situation. Every Tuesday after dinner, he will use the floo from Professor Longbottoms bureau to St. Mungos, where he has his appointment with Miss McKoy. Medical checks are made there, but Madam Anders will be in contact with Miss McKoy and with his parents. She points at the medical files in front of her, although she had said all that with a nice and caring voice, to Scorpius this sounds like a threat. He nods.  
“And if you need anything, you can always come to one of us.” She says sincerely.  
“If you need to talk… well…” the Professor trails of.  
Scorpius looks away. This is embarrassing.

Weeks have gone by; Scorpius seems to feel better. He still doesn’t talk about therapy or anything that concerns his feelings, but he asks Albus now and then to go flying or to take a walk with him. Albus knows that Scorpius does that to get his mind off things. He is glad that he is included, his friend’s asking him for help in his own little way.  
So he is concerned when Scorpius doesn’t come to him. He had witnessed a Slytherin harassing Scorpius before portions class. As he tries to comfort his friend, Scorpius brushes him of, just as usual. He had always been doing that, so why was he worried, Albus asked himself. Scorpius wouldn’t do something stupid, would he?  
He asks him if he wants to go flying, but Scorpius refuses, excusing himself with the homework he still have to do. Albus stays with him in the Library. Scorpius seems fine, at dinner he is laughing and chatting with the Weasleys and James. Albus can’t decide if his smile is fake or not. He just wants to believe, that Scorpius is indeed getting better. He watches if Scorpius stays longer than usual in the bathroom, but he doesn’t. Everything is fine, he is getting better. Albus smiles at himself in the mirror. When he puts down his toothbrush, he sees the tiny little splash of red on the edge of the sink. He picks at it with his little finger. It is blood, fresh blood. Albus can feel his limps grow heavy and cold. Nothing had changed. Nothing was better. He abandons his toothbrush, rising his mouth quickly and rushes out of the bathroom. Grapping Scorpius at his arm, he tugs him violently along with him, out of the common room. He pushes him into the first empty classroom to his left.  
“You cut again!” he says accusingly.  
Scorpius opens his mouth to protest.  
“Don’t you dare lie to me.” Albus spits out angry.  
Scorpius looks away, guiltily.  
“I’m sorry” he whispers.  
“I don’t give a fuck if you are sorry. Your sorry doesn’t mean anything!” Never, ever Albus had used this tone on Scorpius, he really is furious.  
“I don’t care if you are sorry, just as you don’t care for me.”  
“This has nothing to do with you. Of course I care about you.” Scorpius is confused.  
“No you don’t. I know, I shouldn’t make this about myself, at least that’s what all these guidebooks are saying, but you are so ignorant, it makes me so mad. You don’t even think of it, do you?”  
“What are you talking about?” now Scorpius is getting angry too.  
“That you are hurting me too, and not just me, your parents, your friends, everyone who cares about you.”  
“Don’t you think I know that?” Scorpius says quietly.  
Albus nearly regrets what he had said, but just nearly, he still is so frustrated. He takes Scorpius by the shoulders and shakes him.  
“Why has this dickhead from Slytherin a greater influence on you than I have? Why does this random douche count more than your friends and family? All that counts are we, your friends and family, when will you understand this?”  
He lets go, but Scorpius is to shocked to move. They stay silence for a while.  
“Let me see.” Albus demands. Normally he doesn’t want to see the cuts, because he feels like it infiltrates Scorpius privacy. But tonight he doesn’t care about privacy. Scorpius shakes his head.  
“You don’t have to look at them, they aren’t deep.”  
“Let me decide that. If you don’t show me, I drag you to the infirmary, no questions asked.”  
Scorpius lets out a sigh and sits down at a chair. Albus is surprised that he doesn’t rolls up his sleeve, but his left sock.  
“You are cutting at your ankles as well?”  
Scorpius looks down in shame.  
“Where else?” Albus demands to know.  
“My thighs.”  
Albus closes his eyes at this new information.  
“Oh Merlin, Scorpius.” He sounds so sad that Scorpius looks up. Albus crouches in front of his friend and takes his injured foot in his hand. Scorpius feels stupid with his bare foot resting in his best friends’ lap. Carefully Albus removes the sloppy wrapped bandage. Thankfully, the cuts had stopped bleeding a while ago. Like Scorpius had said, they weren’t very deep, maybe just one of the three cuts would leave a scar.  
“Are you going to tell your therapist?”  
“Yeah, probably.”  
“Good. Now let’s get that cleaned.”  
“How did you know?”  
“I just know you to well. And there was a little splash of blood in the sink… You know, I hoped you where past this.”  
“I’m sorry. I try, I try so hard, but I’m sorry I relapsed.”  
“It’s ok. You don’t have to be sorry for relapsing. I just don’t want you to lie to me. Don’t hide from me. You don’t even have to talk. Just come and find me, I’ll be there for you. You don’t have to be alone.”  
“I know, it is just not that easy, you know? But I am trying.”  
Scorpius rests his head on his friends’ shoulder.  
“Can we go back now? I’m really tired.”  
“yeah, lets go.”  
“Albus? What are these guidance books you were talking about earlier?”  
Albus blushes.  
“Shut up Scorpius, keep walking.”


	14. Chapter 14

It was a particularly hard week for Scorpius and his hour with Miss McKoy had been emotionally exhausting. When he steps through the floo in Professor Longbottoms bureau, he is trying hard not to cry.  
“Are you alright Scorpius?” The Professor is using his first name, since the first night he had used his floo. Scorpius says nothing, if he would say he was fine, it would be an obvious lie. But what else could he say?  
“Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to talk?”  
Scorpius shakes his head, talking is the last thing he wants to do. He wants to breath fresh air.  
“Can I go outside? Just for a minute?”  
“I’m afraid not.” Longbottom says apologetically. But then his face lights up.  
“But you can come to the greenhouse with me. I have to take care of a few plants. Do you want to come?”  
Scorpius can’t help himself, but to smile at the Professors enthusiasm. He doesn’t sound like a teacher, more like Albus asking him to play with him. He nods. It’s better than to go in the common room, just yet. They walk to the greenhouse in silence. Some of the plants are glowing uncanny in the dark, before Longbottom lets light slip from his wand.  
“I heard, you are interested in muggel medicine? Well, there are some plants here that are used for their medicine too. For example, camomile- it is calming and harmless. But they are using some of the more dangerous plants too, like Belladonna” he explains to his student. Scorpius nods, he had already heard some of it.  
“You can water the plants, if you like. They respond to the muggel way too, maybe they like it even better.”He transfigures a watering can, filled with water to the brim.  
He winks at Scorpius. Scorpius grins back at him. It is calm in the greenhouse, the smell of the wet earth and the herbs is calming his nerves.  
“These plants you are even allowed to touch” the Professor says behind him.  
Gently Scorpius reaches for the bushes of lavender and rosemary. He smiles at the strong smell at his fingers. He waits for the Professor to finish with the more magical and demanding plants. Before they leave, Logbottom brakes a twig of lavender and multiplies its natural characteristics with magic. He gives it to Scorpius.  
“Put it under your pillow, it helps you sleep.”  
Scorpius blushes at this offering, but takes it anyway, it would be rude not to. He puts the twig in his pocket and instantly feels calm and tired. He suspects that it is charmed, but right now, he doesn’t care. That night he sleeps very well.

The visits to the greenhouse on Tuesday evenings become a routine. Nothing calms him more, than being in the warm, humid, silent place with Professor Logbottom, who tells him all about the medical plants and their use in the wizard, as well as in the muggel world. He tells him about myths and rites and superstitions that are connected to some of them. He begins to come down there during daytime, between the classes. He stays a few minutes, touching the herbs until his hands smell like thyme or rosemary or lavender. The professor smiles gently at him. He never asks questions.


	15. Chapter 15

Scorpius thinks, that things are looking up, he feels quite well. Until he doesn’t. It’s soon after Christmas, the second week back in Hogwarts, when suddenly all crashes down again. All it takes, is a nasty comment on his new quidditch cloak, a christmas present from his parents, about him being a rich Death Eaters brat from a fellow Gryffindor. And even as James says loud: “Shut up, Clark, you are just jealous.” Scorpius is filled with the familiar anger and sadness, that he sees no way to release otherwise than to take it out on himself. And with that he is back to where he was, before he believed that he would actually get better. And with the feeling of relive that he craved so much, there also comes the shame, that isn´t exactly new, but the overwhelming guilt is. His parents where so proud of his progress. Now, he really feels miserable. Nearly a month he is able to hide it. Until someone notices. It is James, who sits a cross from him at dinner.  
“Aren’t you hungry? he asks, “I’m starving after that hell of a training!”  
Scorpius blushes. “Don’t know, just no appetite” he murmurs, realizing that Albus looks at him with a frown. But it is true, he doesn’t eat not right on purpose, but because he has the feeling, that his meal would got stuck in his throat before it could even reach his twisted stomach.  
“Are you okay?” Albus asks worried.  
“Yeah, just a bit tired. I’m not great, but ok.” This was the little addition to let Albus know, that he wasn’t hurting himself. Instantly he feels guilty for lying.  
“Ok, but if you want to talk…” Al doesn’t finish the sentence.  
“Sure, thanks.” Scorpius smiles at him. Thankfully Albus is convinced and goes on talking about Helen, the Ravenclaw girl, he has a huge crush on. It is boring, but Scorpius listens anyway.  
The next two weeks pass by, Scorpius is a little worried about his low appetite. He gets hungry, really hungry, but the food seems not appealing to him. Besides that, the hunger feels good. The constant nagging at his stomach keeps him focused, nearly like the cutting does. He tells himself that this is not a problem, just a phase, no need to tell someone, no need to worry them. When he eats he tries to eat things that are high on calories, he doesn’t want to lose weight. It would only draw attention on his health again. Albus is thankfully a bit self absorbed with Helen, who he plans to ask out. He wonders why James keeps asking him if he is okay. As well as Hugo does, a few times. He plays it down.  
“Yes I’m fine.” he says with a blinding smile.  
He would be fine, if anybody would leave him alone.

He gets frustrated with himself while quidditch training. When it’s over, James sees Scorpius angrily kicking away a stone. He comes to his side.  
“Mate, there is no reason to be frustrated, you did good. Just maybe take better care of yourself” he tries to calm Scorpius down. But all he archives is to panic him. How much does James know? Has Al told him anything?  
“What do you mean?” he asks anxiously.  
James shrugs his shoulders. “Don’t know, you seem a bit down lately. You are not eating very much an I think you are not sleeping very well either. Maybe you should visit the infirmary.”  
Scorpius shakes his head slowly.  
“Whatever mate, if you want to talk, I’m here for you.” And with that he speeds up to get to the locker room, leaving Scorpius behind, starring at his back with an open mouth. Albus cheerfully jumps at his back, nearly making them both fall into the mud. Scorpius laughs and carries Albus piggyback to the locker room.  
It is only a week later when James asks his brother quietly if they can have a word.

“It’s about Scorpius. Do you know what is going on with him?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Yesterday I’d gone back to the looker room after practice, because I had forgotten my cloak and he was still there. I think he was crying.”  
“Did you ask him about it?”  
“Yes, but he wont talk to me. Do you know what’s going on? Does he talk to you?”  
Albus feels a bang of guilt in his stomach. He hadn’t been there for Scorpius as much lately, as he had been out on several dates with Helen. But then again, it was not like he would not listen if Scorpius actually wanted to talk to him.  
“Sometimes, but not lately.” He finally answers his brothers question.  
“Have you noticed that he is not really eating very much?”  
“Not eating?” Albus echoes, he hadn’t noticed.  
“Well not nothing, but not enough.”  
“I’ll talk to him, thank's for telling me.”

Albus waits till after the next practice, to talk to Scorpius. He knows that Scorpius is more likely to tell him the truth about his feelings when he is physically exhausted. This might be a little unfair, but still the end justifies the means. Before they enter the Gryffindor tower, Albus beckons him into the empty classroom again.  
“We need to talk!” he says seriously.  
Scorpius shrugs his shoulders noncommittally.  
“How are you Scorpius?” and as his friend opens his mouth to answer, he adds: “And don’t say you’re fine, because you are not!”  
Scorpius closes his mouth and stays silent.  
“So, how are you?” Albus presses again.  
“Look, even James is worried about you, he came to talk to me.”  
“What do you want me to say?” Scorpius asks tiredly.  
“The truth. Are you harming yourself again?”  
Scorpius’s hanging head is answer enough. Albus sighs.  
“How long is this going on?”  
“Six weeks, I guess?” Scorpius is uncertain.  
“And why didn’t you tell me?”  
Scorpius remains silent.  
“What about the eating. Is this a problem now too?”  
Scorpius head snaps up. “What are you talking about?”  
“You are not eating right, for the past three weeks you haven’t.”  
“And why do you care? Could you for once stop interfering with my life, Albus? Don’t you dare treating me like I’m a dump, crazy person. If you don’t stop that now, we are no longer friends. Just because you are the son of the great Harry Potter, you think you can belittle me and treat me like your own personal project? Maybe you have the same fucking helpers complex, like your dad. And when the next pretty girl comes around, you leave me hanging.” Scorpius knows that he is unfair, but he is full of destructive rage.  
Albus is speechless.  
“Alright, so there is a problem here. You know Scorpius, this is pathetic. You pushing me away, so you don’t have to stop being just self- destructive. I can not understand why you hate yourself that much” Albus is crying now.  
“Please Scorpius, let me help you?”  
“And how are you going to help me? It’s just all in my messed up head!” he violently hits his head with his fist, as he says that.  
“Stop that, stop!” Albus yells at him. For the first time, since he had discovered that Scorpius harms himself, he understands that it is not going away just like that. That it stays with his friend. And what’s hurting Scorpius the most are not the blades, but his own mind. He understands for the first time, how deep and desperate his friends pain really is. In fact, he does not understand, but he suddenly knows that it is a lot deeper and hurtful than he had thought. He wraps his arms around his friend, desperate to keep him by his side and not let him slip away. 

The next day, Albus accompanies Scorpius to Professor Logbottoms bureau, to tell him about the relapse. Scorpius also talks to his parents an Miss McKoy. They decide, that he will go to therapy two times a week, until he feels better again. Miss McKoy explains to him that his eating problems are caused by the depression. She gives him a nutrition plan, and the routine makes eating easier for him. For the times he doesn’t feel like eating at all, she gives him a portion, that provides him with all the necessary nutritions. He agrees to check ups every other week, so a possible relapse wouldn’t go unnoticed for so long.  
After weeks trying to convince himself, he finally tells all his friends, that are James and the Waeasly siblings, about his problems. He thinks it is grace to Albus calm presence, that they don’t freak out. Although it takes James more than two weeks until he acts normal around Scorpius again, not like he is a delicate glass figure, going to be shattered any minute.  
But now he has no longer the feeling that he needs to hide himself and his emotions from his friends. It gets easier to speak his mind, and surprisingly it really makes him feel better. Not always, not everyday, but often enough to help him recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to know your opinion on this fan-fic, so comments and reviews are most welcome.  
> Thank you for reading


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